Breaking down

I'm not sure how my friends are doing but I would imagine I'm not the only one hitting the wall right now. My last class ended at 11:00am. I went straight to the library and studied till 6:00 pm. I had to leave. I was tired, frustrated and overwhelmed. I needed a change of venue. Venue determines where a case in federal court will take place. Under U.S.C (United States Code)1391(a)(1) diversity jurisdiction, a claim may be filed in any district where all defendants reside. You may also lay venue in any district where a substantial part of the claim arose. Sorry, where was I? I needed a change of venue. I went to the Medical Center Library and started studying. I put my head down and 45 minutes later I woke up and realized my body was just shutting down.

There are a couple of really bad feelings here at law school. One of them is feeling like everyone else is studying when you're not. As I walked out of the library, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. I wanted to study, I just couldn't. I felt so guilty. At this point in the semester, you feel like every minute you don't spend studying is a little more that you're falling behind your classmates. A sat in my truck for minute, made the long walk to the apartment and planned on going straight to sleep. Normally my mind starts to shut down at about 1:00am so getting home at 8:00pm and feeling liking I just couldn't go anymore was a terrible feeling.

I couldn't bear it. I grabbed my stuff and headed for Pizza Hut. Change of venue, that's all I needed. You try and play these mind tricks to get your body to do what it doesn't want to do. It worked. I studied for a good hour and a half. I'm home now, still overwhelmed. It's 10:00pm. I'm about to leave to the library to see if I can get a little more done. I just need a change of venue.

Words that describe my time here at St. Mary's Law

Words that describe me....

Tired, worried, sleepy, confused, frustrated, TIRED, upset stomach, insomnia.

Words that describe school...

Competitive, constant pressure, reading, reading, reading, lonely,

Words that describe my friends...

Drunk, know-it-alls! Hard workers, arrogant, arrogant!

At The Library Again

I'm at the library. It feels like I'm always in a library. Either here or at the Medical Center (right by my house). I can stay at the medical center till 12am and be in bed by 12:20. Tests are right around the corner. Less than a month. Everyone here at school is starting to tense up. I think we all go through the same routine. Worry about exams. Go out and by some supplement to help with school. Work on our outlines like crazy. Feel a little better about exams. Then repeat. I can't remember the last time I didn't feel tired. I've gotten to the point where I think about school constantly. I hardly sleep and when I do, I'm dreaming about school and not resting.

Weekend away....

This weekend was my weekend away. Katie was here and she's great. Funny story...

On Friday night, Katie lost a pretty important check. I was really upset and she could tell. So I' brooding around the room looking for the check, knowing I'm not going to find it and Katie says, "Dad, I'll cook the eggs and if I do a good job, will you be happy?" It's amazing how she puts everything in perspective.

I'm celebrating a birthday this week. My parents came up this weekend and celebrated with me. I'm going to be 28 years old. It seems so much like 30. It sounds old but I feel pretty young. I'm happy and hopeful about the future. I've gotta go. I'll post again soon.

As school goes on, I notice myself changing. Not for the better, not for the worse, just changing. I am completely consumed by the law. Rarely does another another topic cross my mind. It's completely normal for law school students to speak to eachother about the law constantly. It doesn't end there. Friends who call inevitably get an ear full of legalese (legal jargon). The other day, I was talking to a friend and in response to whatever she was saying, I said, "A promise for a promise is valid consideration." The odd thing is, I realize that all I do is talk about the law, and I can't stop. I know that the people I'm talking to don't want to hear about it. I realize that I'm doing it. And still, every conversation some how or another ends at the same topic.

I want to further illustrate my point so you can completely understand just how consumed a law student (not just me) really is. I don't really sleep anymore, EVER. What I mean is that I don't rest. I sleep at night but I never feel like I fall asleep. Last night I felt like I had been tossing and turning and hadn't fallen asleep at all. I rolled over to see what time it was. I was pretty shocked when the clock read 4:37. The night before last, I was dreaming that I was in Teeter's class and he was lecturing on res ipsa loquitor (the thing speaks for itself). I woke up and here's the really funny part, I couldn't decide whether I should get up and write down what he was saying because maybe it was something I had missed from class or if I should just go back to sleep. I wrote it on a folder that was on the floor next to my bed. It turned out being something from class that was already in my notes.

The law also gets in the way. Yesterday I fought with one of my very good friends here at school. At the end of the day, I think we both realized that we weren't fighting over anything in particular. The stress of school just gets in the way of relationships. There's no time for keeping in touch with old friends or investing in important relationships. Katie is my one untouched relationship. We never talk about a bargained for promise or evaluating the BPL in negligence cases. She is my complete escape. I hardly think about school when she's here and I find that when she leaves I'm always behind but always refreshed.